Dislike Conflict? Learn How to Effectively Negotiate

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Inherent dislike of direct disagreement is natural.

Emotional needs, such as the need to belong, the need to be liked by your peers or not appearing greedy appear to be at odds with asking for what you want and arguing for it.

Forcing yourself to jump into a negotiation without training for it, particularly when you are aware of your dislike or fear of negotiating can lead into a fight or flight response which makes learning to negotiate appear even more worrisome.

The good news is that everyone can learn to negotiate. The trick is to start small in situations that are low risk. Get comfortable asking for something small or a concession that you want. Don’t fret about whether you get it or not. Either way, acknowledge your success in having the courage to ask.

Most of us learned to swim by first getting comfortable in the water. In that way swimming has greater potential to be enjoyable in the long run. Jumping into the deep end or getting pushed in may work for some, but is likely to be counterproductive.

Taking the step to make “an ask” is an internal negotiation. You have to ask yourself, “what’s in it for me”? The answer is: While you have an inherent dislike of disagreement, learning to ask for something you want may reveal another inherent feature of you- your inherent self worth and value.

 

 

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